Posted by: anothermamasboy on: November 7, 2011
… be a phoenix, burn to ashes and rise, rise up again …
Do you feel like having some private fun today? This is the kind of fun you can have alone, using mostly your mind, a bit of your hand, either left or right, better in lying position, best in a quiet undisturbed environment. The duration of this kind of fun may vary, from a few minutes up to a few hours. It should involve a lot of other people, not real, but in your mind only, many of them should be of the opposite gender.
No, not that kind of fun! Don’t get so worked up, not so fast, not just yet. This is the kind of fun you can have without having to take off your clothes, and it is better that you don’t. It may have some impacts on your life too, on your level of happiness and your general well-being as well. It may not leave you desensitized with loads of short-lived pleasure, it may even leave you lying pathetically in pain, in tears or depression. But it is still fun, anyway. Or at least that is how I felt afterwards.
No more beating around the bush, what is this? It is a fun experiment called “How long is your life, by far, in words?”
My experiment took me nearly two hours of just lying there, paralyzed, talking, laughing and crying to myself. Told ya, it could seem pathetic, but didn’t I say it should be a private fun, rather than the many-some you may have elsewhere?
Items you need: a seemingly normal functional mind, a recorder that can record up to hours and a really relaxing and tranquil environment. Those are the basic requirement, but you may want some alcohol if you happen to have an extremely stubborn unruly mind which most of us own (in fact, for many, our minds OWN us). You may want some old old music which you used to sing to, which is able to bring you down to the deepest level of sentiments you never knew you had. That seems a lot, but the main goal is to make you open up to yourself, which is the prerequisite for the utmost requirement: to be honest with yourself.
What to do: set yourself up in the environment that fits you best, dim the light or turn it off if necessary, apply some aromatherapeutic fragrance if you want. Do stay in your most comfortable posture, take a few sips of your favorite alcohol, smoke a puff or two if that helps too. Now, if you feel you can be almost totally open and honest with yourself, then:
START RECOUNTING ALL THE MEMORIES YOU CAN REMEMBER SINCE YOU WERE BORN!
That means every single events or happenings that managed to get registered to your mind and you could recall then. Yes, use languages and start talking to the recorder, no hesitation, no embarrassment and of course, no self-censorship.
Admittedly, languages might not be the best means of communication. But still, while telepathy has not yet been proved commercializable or the Big Brother doesn’t like his little brothers realizing their brotherhood without him knowing and intervening, then languages are our only bet. Talk in any languages you like, I myself speak a colorful mix of languages with different shades of meanings and even profanity. I am being honest with myself, are you?
As mentioned, this whole thing took me nearly two hours, but the experiment is still going on, and this post might be a part of it, as I am sharing some of my findings. This could be an ongoing experiment for the rest of your life, as you listen to your stories at times and figure out something interesting you didn’t get the last time. Or you can always add in something you just recovered lately. For me, that would be about a teacher in my fifth grade. I forgot to mention in my first recording, but I got to recall my thoughts about her a bit later. She was our teacher in our for-gifted-students literature class and my thoughts were mostly about how HOT she was. She was very fair with her long dark hair, big black eyes and a marvelously curved body.. Yes, I was in 5th grade and that is one of the teachers that left some marks in my mind… I am being honest with myself, are you?
It may take you more or less time to finish, but make sure that you finish it, The duration of the recording only indicates 1/ how fast you recall memories, 2/ how fast you speak, 3/ how old you are, 4/ how much you can recall at the first run, or 5/ how much more you should drink..
I do believe in the ability of the mind to distort and confabulate, so I regret that I only get to do this experiment when I am this old already, when pretty much all of my memories may have probably been somehow altered to fit the definition of my”self”. Or rather, your mind may deliberately recall some memories that confirm your conception of yourself. That is so nasty, right?! Yes, I know. But do it and you will always figure out something that astounds your view of yourself and the world.
As for many Near-Death-Experiencers, who managed to come back and tell us what it is like to die, even for a short while, many of them say that their whole lives played to them like a movie, or a stream of events. Why don’t we try to die right now, leaving everything at the doorstep, going in to our own funeral, dying to our own experiences and memories, and better yet, rising up afresh and anew?
Better yet, we can still bring all the findings that we have found during the our “deaths”, and go on to live our life better-guidedly, knowing that our real deaths might not be so far away that we have to pretend to die. Furthermore, die, die to all your experiences and conditions, free yourself of your familiar and be excited that when this night is over, the day is new, and your life is anew.
To me, things that happened to me when I was little seemed only like fragments of memories as they were seemingly random, had no clear theme or any apparent meanings. But, do pay attention to the underlying emotions that they carry. They tend to be innocent, strong and full of bliss and happiness.
Curse adults or anyone that started telling you how miserable your life was, cos to a child being alive is the best. If you have a conventionally normal body and can run around waving your arms in the air foolishly, then you are very lucky already. While you are doing that, you have adults, preferably your parents, around, cheering fanatically, then you are one of the luckier children on earth already. If no one comes to you and tells you that you should be feeling like shit because of this, of that, then consider yourself born to be lucky. And if you have the wisdom to tell anyone that comes your way talking shit about your life to go fuck themselves, and live your life the way you want to, not the way they want you to, then you have truly earned the certificate of “fully truthfully madly deeply living” that shows by a bright smile at your real death. That applies to everyone actually, not just children. Need help finding reasons why you should be happy in life?
Memories start to be more coherent coming to secondary school and afterwards. You still don’t make sense of life that well, and oblivion of your circumstances still helps. “Ignorance is bliss”, so they say. Appearances, yours and others, did not matter much then, even after feelings for girls had started knocking on your virgin heart. Friendships formed naturally and without any calculations. For many guys my age then, watching porn and reading erotic stories were favorite pastimes, and sexual exploration was one of the best topics for a bunch of guys to talk about. Adolescent rebelliousness was mild but it was there with all the silly things I did, not alone, and I apparently lived, then, without too much regards for tomorrow.
That was also when my mind started getting contaminated with mainstream media and entertainment. Romanticism, one of the diseases, caught hold of me and I am not free of it, until now. A few years before, only your parents tried to tell you how to behave, and then, it seemed a lot more wanted to tell you how to live your life. In high school, you slowly bought in to different theories and beliefs, without realizing it. The closer you felt you were to the adult life the child in you had always wanted, the faster it was for you to lose track of your freedom and who you were or were becoming. But of course those were never your concerns then…
Have you noticed how little I have mentioned education in this post, even though I am using different levels of schooling as milestones? Yes, you go to school and most of what you learn is about life, I reckon that a school system fails if it does not teach students about life and how to live…
That just means you will have to teach yourself that, and perhaps it is better that way, that we should all learn to be responsible for our own lives and how to live them. We are taught to do our many things well, but not living a life wholly and well, as if life can be broken up into small parts and dealing with each part well is gonna give a wholesomely good whole life. It does not work that way, does it? It is not like a six-course meal, whereby you can choose to pass up a dish or two. In life, a passing-up is partially suicidal, which ultimately begs the question: “why____________already?”
Apart from the good fun I had from recounting my memories, I got to be true to myself, had all the laugh and cry I had not had in a long time, and managed to make some analyses on my life too. I saw some of the patterns that could constitute a “self” for me, I saw some natural behaviors which came out of no where, I saw how some external factors may have conditioned me to act somehow…
I saw how little freewill we really have and how necessary it is to will our lives back to us. I also learned that there are small things that happened a long time ago which could haunt you for life, and you feel like working your whole life to redeem yourself. I also learned to connect the dots which made all the noise about life planning or career planning seem like a joke. It’s life, you know..
Most of all, I have learned that in order to fully live, you will have to die. Die to your past, die to your future, then you will live..
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